This is purely a bitch session. I am not looking for suggestions or critiques or explanations which you would be completely guessing about. You were not there, you did not experience frustration, nor did you witness the event. Therefore, if you were not in the car ahead of me, sit back read, laugh or get pissed. Those are your only options.
At my bank there are two drive thru lanes. The inner lane has a container for dropping off business money bags, a teller window with a drawer which on occasion can fly out and hit your car, and at the far end an ATM. The outer lane only has access to a teller, and one of those cylinder tubes which has the capacity to alter the time/space continuum and propel a pen to you at the speed of light. I have personally seen this device shoot a cheeseburger 5,000 miles an hour. When younger my mother, Teller Beller, worked at a bank and every Friday night my father would load us into the family truckster under the guidance of “It’s time to feed your mother.” We would take turns loading the tube with fried chicken, burgers and fries before launching dinner to her. Authors note: drinks do not travel well through the time/space continuum.
There was also a walk up ATM on the front of the building. The strip mall is crowded and parking is a premium, and on many occasions I have parked and walked up just to find the machine was being serviced. On this particular day, I was running many errands and only secured a limited time in which to do so, and my sphincter was unprepared for the amount of clenching I was about to encounter.
When I turned the corner, the inner lane appeared to be open, and then out of no where an SUV dropped from the sky and pulled in front of me. As we were both making our way towards the lanes, I was wishing out loud they take the outer lane. When they started to approach the inner lane I was talking to myself and almost begging them to pull forward to the ATM. That way I can sit for a few minutes while they do their transaction and contemplate various unanswered questions like how telephone poles grow in straight lines or is the hokey pokey really what it’s all about? However, they stopped at the teller and the countdown of my aggravation entered the launch sequence. I watched for several minutes as the drawer extended before them. but they made no effort to use it. These knuckleheads had no idea why they were even visiting the bank and waited until arrival to ponder their existence.
They were obviously filling out deposit slips, signing the back of 532 checks or on the phone with a qualified CPA to determine their credit status, because these people were settling in for the afternoon. Oh sure, I thought several times about passing them in the outer lane and backing into the ATM in front of them, but figured that would coincide with their departure and I’d be back at the genesis of my turmoil, so I waited. Car after car passed me and entered the outer lane. Four, to be exact, pulled in, shot their load through the tube and most likely pulled over for a nap. Me? I still sat there like a participant in a psychological project wondering if I would indeed put my car into drive and plow them through the drive thru. I remember seeing a Burger King commercial about how some hungry dude did that for a steak sandwich. Here is the link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9LgxP7-bJA but thought better about it.
A full 17 minutes went by before they decided to end their bank jaunt and allowed me to pull forward. The 2 cars behind me were as equally suicidal as I was and one of them was giving the teller an earful. I was at the ATM for under a minute, but the damage was done. I have always been a courteous driver. I am the one who hugs the center line at an intersection so someone can squeeze past me to make a right hand turn. If I was using the teller I would always take the outer lane. That is because I care about my fellow man. There are so many people living their life in a bubble, they have no thoughts of anyone else. If it doesn’t affect them personally, they couldn’t care less. Send a thank you card, wave a pedestrian through at a shopping center, and for my sake… use the outer lane.
